You may well have heard the seasonal prey upon words “What do
you call an empty hot dog?” Answer: A hollow weenie. But you may
not have realized how expansive is the tricky treat bag of Halloween
puns. There’s something about the lore of Halloween that inspires tour
de farces at the highest level of punnery. The holiday is a veritable Bill
of Frights.
Here’s a menu that I’ve cooked up for Halloween. I know you won’t
be able to resist goblin up this six-corpse meal.
Grains
| Ghost Toasties | Scream of Wheat |
| Rice Creepies | Brain Muffins |
| Pentagram Crackers with Poisonberry Jam | |
| Entrees | |
| Baby Bat Ribs | Hungarian Ghoul Ash |
| Fangfurters | Frank ’n’ Stein |
| Deviled Ham | Fillet of Soul |
| Blood Pudding | Black Catfish |
| Hag-gis Stake Sandwitch with Grave-y | Hellibut |
| Warlocks and Bagels with Scream Cheese | |
| Side Dishes Artery-Chokes | Strangled Eggs |
| Deviled Eggs | Gashed Potatoes |
| Scarrots | Skullions |
| Pickled Bats | Ghost Liver Pate |
| Asparagross | Spookghetti |
| Gangreens Terror-Fried Green Tomatoes Fruits | Baked Beings |
Adam’s Apples Blood Oranges Necktarines
Desserts
| I Scream | Lemoan Pie |
| Booberry Pie Terror-misu Ghoulda Cheese | Boo Meringue Lady’s Fingers Monster Cheese |
| Creep Suzette | Devil’s Food Cake |
| Haunted Toll House Cookies Screech Pie topped with Ghoul Whip Beverages | |
| Ghoul Ade | Coffin with Scream |
| Demonade | Anxie-tea |
| Finger Ale | Monster |
| Zombie | Apple Spider |
| Cold Bier | Bloody Mary |
| Blood Light | Witch Hazelnut Coffee |
| Boos | Tequila Mockingbird |
Dr. Richard Lederer is the author of more than 50 books about language, history and humor, including his newest books, “A Treasury of Halloween Humor” and “A Treasury of Christmas Humor.” To order signed copies, explore his website, verbivore.com or write him Richard Lederer at richardhlederer@gmail.com.
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